Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
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