I am full of burrito and curiosity
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
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