finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
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