you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
Blood and glitter go together right?
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
Randomize
