So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Randomize