All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Randomize
