Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
Randomize
