is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
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