You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
What a dumb baby whore.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
Randomize
