he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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