There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Randomize
