I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
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