The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Randomize
