I'll bet she douches with gravy.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
Randomize
