They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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