he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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