how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
