he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
Randomize
