I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
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