Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
Randomize
