By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
Randomize
