its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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