i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Randomize