I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
i would one night stand the shit outta him
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
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