I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Randomize
