"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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