Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Randomize
