This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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