would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Randomize
