so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
