so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
