You're completely useless in the revolution.
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
Randomize
