...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
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