I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
