what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
