we're chasing vodka with high fives
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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