'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
Randomize
