I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
Randomize
