Need sex. Gaining weight.
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Randomize
