I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
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