I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Randomize
