just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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