The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
Randomize
