I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
