You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
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