Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
