By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
Randomize
