so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
Randomize
