What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
