SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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