It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
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