Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
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