Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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