What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
