I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
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