I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Randomize
