I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Randomize
