Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Randomize
