She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
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