I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
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