I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
