the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
Randomize
