I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Randomize
