You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
Randomize
