I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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