I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
You dont lie about slip and slides
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
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