this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
