I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
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