Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
Randomize
