my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
You ruined the universe
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
Randomize
