JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
birth control should be required to get into college
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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