im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
Randomize
