Me. At least after what I've been through.
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
Randomize