I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Randomize
