yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
third nipple confirmed
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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