i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
