My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
