So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
Randomize
