I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
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